Conflict Resolution in my life!

·         Think about any disagreements, or conflicts, you have recently experienced or are currently experiencing at work with a supervisor or colleague, or someone in your personal life. Share at least two strategies you have learned about that might help you manage or resolve the conflict more productively, and why these strategies might be effective. For example, could you suggest a compromise? Could you look for a broader range of solutions to your disagreement? Could you use some of the principles of nonviolent communication or the 3 R's to better help you resolve this conflict?

This blog is very personal and exposing for me!  Let me start by saying my husband and I have a wonderful marriage of almost 12 years.  We are best friends and have 3 beautiful children.  This blog is intended and written with complete honesty for the purposes of learning about communication skills.  With that said, here we go…

For every deployment that my husband and our family go through, 4 to date, our communication skills seem to get worse with each reunion.  We both see this and look for answers and I think we have decided that living 6 ½ out of 8 years apart for each other have not been the easiest and most desirable situation for a married couple. (duh! Right?) When we come back together, there are SO many emotions, concerns, fears, worries that each of us face and along with this come resentment for the separation that caused this, even if we understand we cannot help it or prevent it.  My husband is a leader and is use to “barking orders” to soldiers and getting immediate response.  That does not go over well with me.  In addition, I spend deployments as “mother and father” to our three children, handle the maintenance, yard work, budgets, financial business, and all other things that go with have a home and family.  When we come back together and being independent, these two lifestyles do not “mesh” and we go through a readjustment period together that could be compared to learning to be married and live together for the first time, but over and over again! 

Two strategies we have talked about using that seem to help us communicate are also from our resources- the 3 R’s.  We have learned that even though we both feel we are ALWAYS right, it might not be the case every time, and we need to remember this!  Respectful to each other seems easy enough, but it is not. The emotions you have towards each other after 12 years of marriage can be strong and intense and can hinder communication skills when you are trying to talk about struggles.  The Platinum rule is something that I have learned through this course that I think is extremely important and valuable to us both when communicating.  Not only do we need to consider how we want to be treated, but how does he/she want to be treated?  The answer could be very different!  The saying is true for my husband and me, “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus”. 

Being reciprocal to each other has been a valuable communication tool for us.  It is not all about me or all about my husband.  We are a team and work together to keep our family happy, healthy, and safe.  When coming together again after a year, it is like adding someone new to the family and learning things all over (for my husband).  Even though, he may still like the same foods, beer, shows, sports, etc., the children’s bed time routine may have changed favorite songs, foods, toys, etc.  These can be big deals in a household.  The daily routines have to be 50/50 along with the guidance that we all need in this adjustment period.  Compromising can be the easiest solution to come up with, but the hardest one to achieve in our family.  We are both stubborn and hard headed, but we continue to try through the journey of life, love, family, and marriage.