Conflict Resolution in my life!

·         Think about any disagreements, or conflicts, you have recently experienced or are currently experiencing at work with a supervisor or colleague, or someone in your personal life. Share at least two strategies you have learned about that might help you manage or resolve the conflict more productively, and why these strategies might be effective. For example, could you suggest a compromise? Could you look for a broader range of solutions to your disagreement? Could you use some of the principles of nonviolent communication or the 3 R's to better help you resolve this conflict?

This blog is very personal and exposing for me!  Let me start by saying my husband and I have a wonderful marriage of almost 12 years.  We are best friends and have 3 beautiful children.  This blog is intended and written with complete honesty for the purposes of learning about communication skills.  With that said, here we go…

For every deployment that my husband and our family go through, 4 to date, our communication skills seem to get worse with each reunion.  We both see this and look for answers and I think we have decided that living 6 ½ out of 8 years apart for each other have not been the easiest and most desirable situation for a married couple. (duh! Right?) When we come back together, there are SO many emotions, concerns, fears, worries that each of us face and along with this come resentment for the separation that caused this, even if we understand we cannot help it or prevent it.  My husband is a leader and is use to “barking orders” to soldiers and getting immediate response.  That does not go over well with me.  In addition, I spend deployments as “mother and father” to our three children, handle the maintenance, yard work, budgets, financial business, and all other things that go with have a home and family.  When we come back together and being independent, these two lifestyles do not “mesh” and we go through a readjustment period together that could be compared to learning to be married and live together for the first time, but over and over again! 

Two strategies we have talked about using that seem to help us communicate are also from our resources- the 3 R’s.  We have learned that even though we both feel we are ALWAYS right, it might not be the case every time, and we need to remember this!  Respectful to each other seems easy enough, but it is not. The emotions you have towards each other after 12 years of marriage can be strong and intense and can hinder communication skills when you are trying to talk about struggles.  The Platinum rule is something that I have learned through this course that I think is extremely important and valuable to us both when communicating.  Not only do we need to consider how we want to be treated, but how does he/she want to be treated?  The answer could be very different!  The saying is true for my husband and me, “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus”. 

Being reciprocal to each other has been a valuable communication tool for us.  It is not all about me or all about my husband.  We are a team and work together to keep our family happy, healthy, and safe.  When coming together again after a year, it is like adding someone new to the family and learning things all over (for my husband).  Even though, he may still like the same foods, beer, shows, sports, etc., the children’s bed time routine may have changed favorite songs, foods, toys, etc.  These can be big deals in a household.  The daily routines have to be 50/50 along with the guidance that we all need in this adjustment period.  Compromising can be the easiest solution to come up with, but the hardest one to achieve in our family.  We are both stubborn and hard headed, but we continue to try through the journey of life, love, family, and marriage.

How do others think I communicate?

This week, we needed to evaluate ourselves based on how we see ourselves as communicators: We took 3 tests for Communication Anxiety, Verbal aggressiveness, and Listening styles.  After we evaluated ourselves, we needed to ask 2 different people to complete the same 3 tests based on how they perceive my communication skills.  Honesty was the key in this assignment.  I needed to be honest in my own skills and so did the 2 people who evaluated me as well.  The 2 people I had assess me were my husband and a close friend.  Both of these people have been and are the most honest people and let me know their opinions even if they are not always what I want to hear.  The listening style was people oriented which did not surprise me and was what the 2 other people rated me at.  The most surprising element of this assignment was that I rated myself having lower communication skills than my 2 outside testers did in communication anxiety.  My results showed moderate communication anxiety whereas the other two people that rated me said I had low communication anxiety.  What this leads me to believe is that regardless of the anxiety that I may feel inside (which is the type of questions that were asked), it does not show on the outside when I am communicating with others or speaking in a small group setting or large forum.  I feel this also shows that I am harder in assessing my own abilities than someone else looking at my communication skills.  This also could be a reflection upon my confidence level that I have been able to develop through the years, my experience speaking publicly or through my career.  I am a social person and love to communicate.  A funny result from the test was that my husband was quick to respond to the questions about whether I hesitate to speak, communicate with others, etc.  It led me to believe that my husband may think that I may even speak too much?!? :)

Communication and Culture

Think about the cultural diversity you see in your colleagues at school, in your neighborhood, in your workplace, and also, possibly, within your family. Consider all the aspects that make up culture, including race, religion, political affiliation, sexual orientation, varying abilities, and so on.

• Do you find yourself communicating differently with people from different groups and cultures?
• If yes, in what ways do you communicate differently?

Based on what you have learned this week, share at least three strategies you could use to help you communicate more effectively with the people or groups you have identified.

I thought about this assignment a lot this week!  Sometimes its easy to point out the faults of other and harder to reflect upon your own actions.  I think that I do communicate differently with people from different groups and cultures.  I am probably guilty of using stereotypes with people when communicating.  For example, I rely on sports more when talking to males, shopping and relationships when talking to women, religion when talking to a friend from church, and debate my family members who have far different political views than my own.  I tend to control the conversations with different people with "fallback" or "comfortable" subjects when the topics are already given.  I think this is natural to an extent but definitely something to be aware of. 

Based on this course, I think there are many things that I can do to communicate more effectively with those around me:

-SHHHHH-Stop talking!  I do tend to talk a lot.  I am an open and social person who loves to tell stories, but this may be causing the conversations to be swayed and influenced by me. 

-Listen rather than just hear.  I love reading about the difference between just hearing the sounds of people and understanding what they are saying and the meaning of what someone says.  I know that listening more actively is something that I can work on that would make me a more effective communicator.

-The Platinum Rule- I think that by becoming a more other-oriented person, this can most certainly increase my communication skills.  Thinking of others is extremely important and a strategy that most of us could work on. 

References:
Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V. (2011). Interpersonal communication: Relating to others (6th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon
O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2009). Real communication. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.

EDUC-6165 blog: Communication Skills

This week in communication:  We were to choose a show that we do not normally watch and analyze the relationships between the characters through the way they are communicating with each other.  My husband and I watch a lot of shows on the HGTV channel; however, we have never seen the show design stars.  I watch an episode and immediately placed the show on mute.  I have to admit that watching a show for the first time without any sounds was very interesting.  It forces you to make decisions on the plot base strictly on actions because you do not have any previous knowledge of the show to base your decisions on.

•What do you think the characters’ relationships are based on the ways in which they are communicating?

I assumed (knowing it was a competition show) that there were two groups of people: the judges who sate professionally behind a table and the contestants who were lined up in front of the panel of people.  The relationship appeared very “down to business”.  There was no touching other than handshakes.  It was a very professional relationship.  It appeared to be a little like a firing squad with the 4 people behind the table being the gunman and the row of 6 people being on trial. 

•What are they feeling and expressing based on the nonverbal behavior you are observing?

I saw the 4 people behind the panel make some comments with smiles that were immediately received by 2 women that began smiling, jumping, and hugged each other and then left the room.  The rest of the scene was spent talking and the remaining 4 people in the line seemed uncomfortable, nodding, one rolled their eyes slightly, one made an attempt at a half smile and the people behind the panel seemed not so happy and used more firm actions with their hands like they were scolding a child.

•What assumptions did you make about the characters and plot based on the ways in which you interpreted the communication you observed?

I had assumed through the show that the group of 6 people was competing by designing rooms.  I was correct in my assumption of what the show was about.  The only part that I was a little off about was when I thought that the “panel” was scolding the remaining 4 people; they were much more polite than I had thought.  They were giving the contestants very positive and constructive criticism.  I had assumed what they were saying was much more harsh than it was.

•Would your assumptions have been more correct if you had been watching a show you know well?

I would have known what the discussion was about if I had seen the show before.  I would have known that this was the time during the line up to give feedback.  However, I did get a lot of the show correct based on the actions and reactions of the characters in the show.  You could tell who was leading the group, who was nervous and uncomfortable and who “won the challenge” by the 2 girls cheering.  You could really read a lot of the show based solely on watching it without sound.  I must admit that I enjoyed it more when I knew what they were saying.

EDUC-6165- Communication here we go!!!

Our assignment this first week of our Communication course, we were asked to pick a person that shows competent communication skills.  As I begin to discuss the person I have chosen, I would like to point out that I show this person soley on communication skills.  I think that politics is a difficult and sensitive subject to use in communication.  I do not want to point out any politic views in this blog or discuss whether I am Republican or Democrat.  Frankly, there are many topics from each side of the parties that I agree with. 

This week, I thought I would highlight the President of the United States, President Obama.  Regardless of any views, decisions, etc., President Obama is a fantastic communicator.  Whether or not you believe in him or his views, he MAKES you want to believe.  He is a natural speaker, persuasive, and holds a likeable quality about him.  I listen to him and hear a similarity to a pastor speaking.  You want to believe want he says.  I hear a "preaching" quality that I do not think is a negative one.  Like I said, regarless of political views, you have to give it to him, the man can communicate!!!

http://msnbc.newsvine.com/_news/2008/11/11/2101216-barack-obama-communicator-in-chief?lite said, "Whether or not you voted for Barack Obama, he continues to offer valuable communication lessons to any professional who must persuade, motivate and inspire others."

http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2009/04/26/days-obama-image-communications-skills-strong-public-questions-policies/#ixzz1zKhQ5H1v said, "Obama's communications skills are an asset historians say has not ebbed since the 2008 campaign and have allowed him to push economic policies that many voters and lawmakers consider drastic."

FINAL BLOG for EDUC-6164-and a words of thanks!!!

My hope in working with children and families is all the same whether or not their are from the same background as myself or diverse backgrounds.  I am inspired to help others (children and families) to find a "love for learning".  I think that being in the early childhood field, we are lucky to "get a hold" of children and families at a young age!  This is the time that we set the stage for their educational journey ahead.  At this point, children are excited about learning; they are like sponges.  Families may be many things: nervous, scared, hopeful, excited, traumatized from their past, etc. 
We can make a difference in each child's and families' life.  We can help them prepare to enter into elementary school and prepare the parents to support their children on their journey.  I want all parents to know that they are their children's first and most important teacher! 

A goal of mine, which has developed through this course, is to help my colleagues in the early childhood field help discover a little bit about "who they are" just as we have done throughout this course.  I think that the process we have gone through during the last 8 weeks has made a huge impact on our understanding of the field as it related to diversity, equity, and social justice!  We as we have talked about a lot, how can we know about and accept others before we know about and accept ourselves?

I want to thank each of my colleagues of EDUC-6164-Perspectives of Diversity and equity!  Everyone has given me such wonderful discussions and online interactions.  I have learned so much during these last 8 weeks!  I wish you all the best of luck as you continue your journey to finish your degrees! 

Welcoming Families From Around the World

You are working in an early childhood setting of your choice—a hospital, a child care center, a social service agency. You receive word that the child of a family who has recently emigrated from a country you know nothing about will join your group soon. You want to prepare yourself to welcome the child and her family. Luckily, you are enrolled in a course about diversity and have learned that in order to support families who have immigrated you need to know more than surface facts about their country of origin.

Scenario: The new family entering into my program has come to the United States from Haiti.  I do not know anything about Haiti other than what I heard about from the devastation of the earthquakes.  I want to avoid assuming any information I heard on the news and therefore I will do the following activities to learn more about this family:

• Conduct a home visit with this family and do an initial education visit.  Not only is this an opportunity to discuss school info with the family, but also an opportunity for the family to share information about them with me. 
• Give the family a Culture Questionnaire.  This is an opportunity for the family to address many questions such as:
• What languages do you and your family speak?
• Tell me about your family's culture?
• How can we best represent and include you and your family within our classroom and school?
• Tell me about your family's traditions, values, beliefs, etc.
• Open the lines of communication.  Be honest.  Let the family know that you are not familiar with their country but you want to learn. 
• Share upcoming events and ask for their input.  They may have ways to bring cultural diversity to many activities and events.
• Look around the classroom.  Research.  How can you represent the culture in the classroom?  Do your dolls, block people, posters, books represent this child's culture?

Being honest with your family will let them know that you genuinely care.  Being open will help make the family feel welcomed and comfortable in the classroom.  By pretending you know about their culture when you really don't, can give an impression that you do not care or disrespect if you act in a way that is disrespectful in their country, even if it is unintentional. 

The Classroom as a First Lesson in Social Studies
Social studies is the study of how people relate to one another, their environment and to the world they live in. When a child enters his preschool classroom, it is generally the first time he is interacting inside a community that is outside his family unit and home.
Social studies learning takes place in the classroom in many ways including:

• The formation of friendship and bonds with other children
• Learning how the decision making process works in a group setting
• Development of social skills and personal responsibility
• Learning to share and deal with their emotions
• Accepting the differences between people
• Learning community responsibility and a sense of community pride

http://kids.lovetoknow.com/wiki/Preschool_Social_Studies